Why Do I Get Aggressive?

So a couple of my readers suggested that I should write about my personal likes and dislikes, traits & natures, etc. Well, this is one of the blogs which is interesting to me on a personal level as I got to know many things about myself while writing it. Now I would not want to lie to my readers by pretending to be someone who is completely patient and calm because I am a blog writer, a voracious book reader or a gym-goer. Well, usually people who read, write, meditate, etc. are considered to be really calm and sorted in their lives. Seriously, it is not true. Everyone comes with their own baggage of negative and positive traits. And one of mine is Aggression or Short-Temper. Well, is it positive or negative? I would leave that to my readers to conclude.

Well, there are a number of factors I can account my temper to like it is hereditary. I come from a family of temperamental people and probably that has got into me. Or I can account it to my sun-sign Aquarius. Not sure if it is stupid or true, but Aquarian females are known for their temper and I would incline to believe it is true considering my nature. Or I can just account it to my low level of tolerance to bullshit like hypocrisy, diplomacy for own’s advantage, dual-faced natures, etc.

Firstly, I want to clarify that short-tempered people are not really bad people. They are normal people and temper is just their trait. Just like being funny, serious, extrovert or introvert; aggression is just a trait in the person. I have seen people in my life always trying to explain me that I should not yell or shout or become angry on small small things. What makes me wonder is why do not these people actually understand that aggression is not something that is shown purposely? Example: If I ask a diplomatic person to stop being diplomatic; Or ask an introvert to become extrovert? Is that easy? Why do people fail to understand that aggression is also one such trait and you cannot just go about bogging down people to stop being angry? Aggressive people do not get angry just simply. There is always a reason. If you really are close to a person who displays temper; just a small tip: DO NOT BE A FOOL AND KEEP TELLING THAT PERSON TO STOP BEING ANGRY. IT DOES NOT WORK. INSTEAD, UNDERSTAND THE SOURCE OF THAT ANGER.

Here are some scenarios that personally shoot out the temper in me:

  • Less appreciation towards efforts put by me or anyone else. Well, I love the word ‘thank you’. I like when people appreciate the efforts. Not only the efforts put by me but anyone. I usually stop doing things for people when I find the lack of appreciation. Is it really wrong to get angry when people just enjoy the benefits and leave without the appreciation?
  • Being Diplomatic in every situation of life– Well, this is an interesting one. Diplomacy is a really good virtue but do not use it in every aspect. Understand where it is to be used. For me, diplomatic people are someone who cannot stand for what they feel is right or wrong. They tend to keep a balance between right and wrong. Well, I tend to dislike it.
  • Being Dual-Faced – I have met tons of people in my life who have this trait and it is the most disgusting nature I have ever seen. They criticize a person behind his/her back and try to be a best friend in front of him/her. Seriously, c’mon – what do you get by this? If nothing, you have definitely lost my respect!
  • When I am asked to do stuff without being consulted like “I ordered pizza, while you were in washroom”, “While you were asleep, I booked ourselves tickets to the movie”, ‘I paid this bill when you went to shopping’ etc. If you want me to involve with you as a friend, partner, team-mate – consult before taking decisions. Do not decide and rub it on my face!
  • When I am forced to do something I don’t approve like ‘Call your friend even if its late in the night, just to say Hello’, ‘Eat cakes even if you are dying with diabetes’.
  • Do not be a complain box. No one in this planet to born to cater to your needs alone. Adjust in the situations that need adjustment. Do not keep complaining about every single thing in your life. It completely pisses me off.
  • Be disciplined and respect people around you. I have met people who tell me ‘Dude, you cook well, why don’t you just keep cooking while I finish this work’? ‘You can wake up early, good for you. Do not disturb my sleep until 12 PM’ – These are examples that irritate me.
  • In general, any attempt to challenge my basic traits angers me. Example: starting unnecessary arguments, not letting me do things my way, showing tit-for-tat behaviors, not giving me my space, trying to change me, etc.

Last but not the least, there are ways to even resolve the temper. I am sure there will be tons of people who will be having similar traits as mine and if you are close to any such person then here are the tips to understand their aggression and resolve it:

  • First and foremost, stop thinking that the person who is angry is wrong. NO! Just because they have aggression, does not mean they are the ones who are wrong. Understand the situation, understand the reason behind their anger.
  • Let them vent out their anger. Nothing is as dangerous as letting a person to swallow their anger and contain it in themselves. Let them get it out and try to maintain calmness during that time. Do not react back. I tend to become more angry when I see my best friend or partner reacting back when I am venting my anger.
  • Once the person’s anger has disappeared, explain them their mistakes or resolve the misunderstandings without playing a blame game. I usually go aloof when someone just keeps pushing blames in my throat.
  • If the person apologizes genuinely, do not try to act over-smart and play with their emotions. Accept the apology and be kind. In my case, I usually do not apologize until I genuinely feel I am wrong. And while I apologize, if I see the opposite person acting smart, I take like a second to detach myself from such situations & people.
  • Give them their space. Now in my case, space does not mean no contact. I take lots of time to recoup and become normal after a fight with my friends or close ones. In that time, if they just do not contact me, I tend to detach myself more & more.

I do not actually have anything to conclude in this blog. It can be discussed more in detail; but guess, it has to stop somewhere. Also, many people who were or are close to me might relate this. This blog is not an effort to demean or hurt anyone out there. It is just my thoughts put into writing. If you have any such friends or partners in your life, who display such aggression; then I hope this blog will help you figure them out. Cheers!

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